When you think about it, naming a car is a tough old business. Car manufacturers often use the same name all over the world, so you need to make sure that it doesn’t sound rude, disgusting or offensive anywhere in the world.
This can’t be all that easy. Still, I don’t have any sympathy with the people who came up with these stinkers…
Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
This might sound like a minor character from Harry Potter but it is actually a 4×4 designed for the Japanese market. I am not sure that I like the idea of my vehicle being mysterious and wizardly. Mechanics have enough trouble sorting out my problems without having to deal with supernatural forces and general trickery.
Studebaker Dictator
Photo credit: Alden Jewell
Oh good lord, how delighted would I be to drive a vehicle called a Dictator? This towering despot of a car was brought out in a more innocent age when power hungry madmen were called other things and military coupes were far more civilized affairs.
The spoilsports behind it called in the Director in some places once they realized that they had given it a stupid name.
Mazda Scrum Wagon
Did the good folks at Mazda really sit down and say, “Scrum wagon…Hmm, scrum waaagon. Yeah, no one will ever find that to be a weird or amusing name for a van”. Were they thinking of people using it exclusively to ferry around the forwards from a rugby team?
Oldsmobile Intrigue
Have you ever been to visit a car showroom and been left tossing and turning in bed later that night, unable to get a certain vehicle out of your head? That is exactly what would happen once the Intrigue hooks you with its enigmatic charisma and captivating aloofness. This would be a great name for a space age amphibious flying vehicle with an array of secret buttons and a hidden ejector seat. In fact, it was a pretty dull looking sedan.